How
men benefit from psychotherapy
American society socializes boys and men to conform to a
definition
of masculinity that emphasizes toughness, stoicism and
self-reliance. This can make it very difficult to ask for
help
and seek psychotherapy. It can also lead to aggressive and
emotionally stunted behavior that can harm not just men themselves but
their children, partners and entire communities.
Almost all
traditional men want to do the right thing, even though it is getting
harder for them to understand just what that is. Our culture
places rigid and extreme limits on the freedom of boys and men to
express their full human potential. In order to develop in a
healthy manner, they need to maintain the positive elements of
masculinity while changing the negative, destructive parts.
For
example, men can learn to be positively assertive while removing
aggression and violence. When men have limited coping tools,
they
can turn quickly to explosion and aggression. Many men find
themselves conflicted. They do not want to harm other people,
especially their loved ones, but they have learned to cope in a “manly”
aggressive manner. How to change this without losing one's
masculinity is an issue with many of my male clients.
Other
male clients have no difficulty with aggression, but find they are
emotionally unexpressive and unaware. This can create
distance in
their relationships. Many men who struggle, seek counseling
only
when pressured by others in their lives, such as their boss or
spouse. They feel shame about the need to seek help and their
inability to handle their personal problems on their own. In
fact, it can take a lot of courage to ask for help and acknowledge your
personal issues.
Most male clients have some issues related to masculinity. Do
any of the following fit you?
-
Males
have been encouraged to be competitive with other males, so they may
have become overly developed in this area and lost touch with the
capacity for empathy, compassion, and cooperation.
- Males
have been taught to focus on their work, so they often become isolated
from others and disconnected from their children.
-
Males have been trained to hold in their emotions, so they may become
emotionally deadened or prone to emotional overreactions.
- Males have been expected to deny vulnerabilities, so
they may have neglected self-care and jeopardized their health.
- Males
have been encouraged to sexualize their intimacy needs, so they may
have become engrossed in pornography or questionable
relationships.
Change is not about making men more
“feminine”. It is about providing a broader scope of coping
skills and learning a more effective approach. Men discover
that
they truly feel stronger when they are not stuck in a rigid sense of
what it means to be masculine and can sometimes ask for help and
express what they feel.
Reference
Brooks, Gary R. (2010). Beyond
the Crisis of Masculinity: A Transtheoretical Model for Male-Friendly
Therapy. Washington, DC: APA |
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